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Witty and Funny Responses to “How Are You?”

When someone asks “How are you?” it’s easy to just respond with the typical “I’m fine, thanks, how about you?” But why not add a little humor and wit to your response? Here are over 70 witty and funny responses to “How are you?” that are sure to bring a smile to anyone’s face.

Witty Responses

  • “I’m as happy as a clam at high tide.”
  • “On top of the world, looking down on creation.”
  • “Living the dream, one nightmare at a time.”
  • “I’m doing so well, I can hardly stand myself.”
  • “As good as it gets, without getting arrested.”

Funny Responses

  • “I’m so good, I have to sit on my hands to keep from clapping for myself.”
  • “I’m like a fine wine, getting better with age and giving people headaches.”
  • “Just like a squirrel, trying to find my nuts in this crazy world.”
  • “I’m like a superhero, but my superpower is procrastination.”
  • “Living the dream, if the dream was a never-ending episode of The Office.”

Witty and Sarcastic Responses

  • “I’m so good, I’m considering changing my name to ‘The Most Interesting Person in the World.'”
  • “I’m doing as well as can be expected in a world full of Mondays.”
  • “I’m fantastic, if you ignore the existential dread.”
  • “I’m flying high, but my cape is at the cleaners.”
  • “I’m like a Kardashian, minus the money, fame, and drama.”

Playful Responses

  • “I’m as cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce.”
  • “I’m doing so well, I should come with a warning label.”
  • “I’m living the dream, if the dream was a comedy show.”
  • “I’m doing as well as a dog with two tails.”
  • “I’m awesome, but not in an annoying way.”

Witty and Self-Deprecating Responses

  • “I’m doing well, considering I’m only a few bad decisions away from a full-on meltdown.”
  • “I’m hanging in there, but my grip is slipping.”
  • “I’m doing fine, if you ignore the mess I’ve made of my life.”
  • “I’m doing okay, if you don’t look too closely.”
  • “I’m doing as well as a fish out of water.”

Next time someone asks “How are you?” don’t be afraid to add a little humor and wit to your response. These witty and funny responses are sure to liven up any conversation and bring a smile to the other person’s face.

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